Have you ever had repeating experiences that are not serving your highest good or causing you so much troubles and problems? Like, ending up in a relationship where your partner would abuse, manipulate and hurt you? Or being in a job where you don’t find joy? When I first learned that the external experiences are mirror of what’s inside of us, what’s our inner programmings, that nothing in your experience is an accident, it was a pure shock and aha moment to me. All I wanted is to be loved and to belong, to be accepted for who I am… and so why did I attract and choose relationships which are showing me otherwise?
The universe, is impersonal. We follow patterns just like nature, as you see, the cells have a certain shape or pattern. or form. And so, if we play a disc of sabotaing I had to first accept that yes okay, our beliefs shape our realities, and there are some limiting and self sabotaging beliefs that I have to clear, and two, yes I totally want to change this… And in order to change your reality, you have to have different personality and beliefs. And so, I have to learn to get out of my personal identity and get out of the loop.
I’ve had many plant medicine journeys, and in these journeys, I’ve come to realize that I don’t know myself. The true pristine energy I came here for. I realized I was conditioned with layers and layers of masks and eventually, I forgot who I really am. And the more I get away from who I really am, the more the inner dialogue I get is that self love, self trust and self esteem are the main ingredients to live a full life. Because the truth is, we are all made out of this life force we call love. It’s the only energy that’s real and co creating with this energy, is the one that makes us feel alive in this form. And the absence of this life force in any aspect of our lives, is the one that causes us to self sabotage ourselves.
I had to shed massive layers and layers of pretensions, those subconscious programming, that are experienced from my childhood days, and some of them even from ancestral lineage. Our cells remember. The belief that I am not worthy, I am not enough are just lies and limiting beliefs that I have to release and replace with healthy beliefs, that I am worthy, I am enough, I truly and deeply love, trust and respect myself. The more I say this to myself, the more experiences show up that prove that’s true.
Our body has a memory. When I realized that we are souls that come in human form, and that we are not our body, our identity, that our worthiness is not based on our relationships and even with material things we think we own, it’s so freeing. We are all formed from pure life force called love. And so, we have a choice to live a life that shows that love wherever we go. God wants wholeness for our lives. God wants us to feel whole.
One powerful prayer that I asked is… God, I ask to heal the wounds of my heart with your love. I really want to heal and be whole. That moment, that seed of asking God to heal and be whole, the people, the practices and all came to me one by one. And the more I realized, wow… it seems like a miracle and truly an honor to have this knowing that we all are sovereign beings in training. We all, can be out of this loop of lack, and have a better life.